Let's talk about something that's probably keeping you up at night - your relationship with your teenage son. I know, I know. You're thinking, "Relationship? I'm just trying to survive!" Trust me, I've been there. Those teenage years can feel like you're holding onto your bond by a thread, and you're the only one doing the work. But here's the thing: it's worth every ounce of effort.

Today, we're flipping the script. Instead of focusing on what to do right, we're going to talk about five surefire ways to ruin your relationship with your teenage son - and of course, what to do instead. Sometimes, knowing what not to do is even more helpful than knowing exactly what to do. So, let's dive in!

1.  Focus More on What He's Doing Wrong Than Right

Picture this: Your 16-year-old son has just finished mowing the lawn for his lawn care business. You step outside, ready to praise him, when you notice he's missed a spot of edging. Suddenly, you're fuming. "He's getting lazy," you think. "He's trying to cut corners."

Sound familiar? I've been there too. Just the other day, I caught myself about to march into the house and give my son a talking-to about that missed spot. But then I paused and looked at the whole picture. 90% of the yard looked great. I was so focused on what he hadn't done that I almost missed everything he had done well.

What to do instead:

Start with praise. Acknowledge the effort and the good work first. Then, if necessary, calmly point out areas for improvement. Remember, your teen needs to hear what he's doing right just as much - if not more - than what he's doing wrong.

2.  Criticize Him in Public

Our teens' public perception is incredibly important to them, whether they admit it or not. I've seen this play out countless times on the sports field. One coach would berate players in front of the entire team when they made mistakes. Another coach had a different approach. He was strict and demanded their best, but when a player messed up, he'd pull them aside for a one-on-one chat.

Guess which coach was more respected and loved? The second one, hands down. He could pull talent out of average players and integrity out of an average boy. Why? Because he respected them enough to correct them individually.

What to do instead:

Be mindful of what you say in front of your son's friends, neighbors, or siblings. If you need to correct or criticize, do it privately. Public praise, private correction - that's the golden rule.

3.  Let Him Do Whatever He Wants

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. Isn't giving our teens freedom a good thing? Well, yes and no. Freedom without boundaries isn't freedom at all - it's chaos.

A recent study showed that not having clear expectations for your child can actually lead to anxiety. If our children don't know that we're the authority figures in their lives, the world becomes an unsafe and scary place for them.

I had a client come to me a few weeks ago. Her son was spiraling out of control, and she was focused solely on loving him and maintaining the relationship. I suggested that maybe, just maybe, he was actually begging for some boundaries. Within a few weeks of implementing clear expectations and consequences, his spiraling stopped, and they started working towards peace.

What to do instead:

Set clear, consistent boundaries. Remember, boundaries are a gift - the most loving thing you can do for your child. Their job is to push back; your job is to be clear beforehand with expectations and then lovingly hold them accountable for their choices.

4.  Compare Him to Others

Oh, comparison - the thief of joy and confidence. We've all done it, often with the best intentions. "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Look at how well Sarah's son is doing in school."

But here's the thing: nothing can break a person's spirit quite like being compared to others. It only confirms their internal story that they're not good enough and don't measure up.

What to do instead:

Celebrate your son's unique qualities and achievements. Focus on his personal growth rather than how he stacks up against others. Remember, every teen is on their own journey.

5.  Micromanage Him

This last one is a tricky balance, especially for us moms. We want to protect our sons, guide them, make sure they're making the right choices. But over-parenting can backfire, big time.

I like to use this analogy: Parenting a teenager is a lot like training a horse. When a horse is first being trained, the rider uses the reins to guide every move. As the horse gains experience, the rider begins to trust more and loosens their grip. If the horse makes a mistake, the rider tightens the reins, and they try again. As trust builds, the reins loosen.

We can't expect our sons to go from making no decisions to making all the decisions overnight when they turn 18. That's a recipe for disaster.

What to do instead:

Gradually loosen the reins. Give your son opportunities to make decisions and face the consequences - good or bad. Be there to guide and support, not to control every move.

Wrapping It Up

Remember, moms, we've all done one or more of these things at some point. The beauty of parenting is that it's a journey of growth - for both us and our kids. The key is to be aware when we're falling into these traps and make conscious efforts to change.

Most of these behaviors stem from fear - fear that our sons will mess up, fear that we don't know what we're doing, fear that everything is an emergency. But more effective parenting comes when we set guidelines, maintain the relationship, and adjust as needed.

Parenting a teenage son is a lot like bowling. You set up the bumpers (boundaries), roll the ball (your son), and guide gently when needed. Sometimes the ball might bounce off the bumpers, but that's okay - that's what they're there for.

If you're struggling to find confidence in your parenting approach, remember, you're not alone. I'm here to help you navigate these challenging years and build a strong, lasting relationship with your son.

Ready to take your parenting to the next level? Grab my free "Boy Mom's Blueprint" now! It's packed with strategies to help you raise a good man and strengthen your bond with your son.

Until next time, keep being the amazing mom you are. You've got this!