I want to share a powerful tool that has revolutionized my own relationships and especially my parenting approach: the power of curiosity.

Through my years of life coaching and in raising my own five sons, I've discovered a game-changing approach to understanding our teenage boys better. It all starts with repeating to yourself this simple phrase: "That's so interesting, I wonder what is going on." It's magic, I promise.

Now, you might be thinking, "How can that simple phrase make such a big difference?" Let me give you an example.

For years I would check on my boys' grades through the school website (I still do sometimes). For me, seeing that missing work was so frustrating!! I would think things like, "He's not even trying", "He is not going to get into the college he wants", "I must be doing something wrong" (that last one was always my go-to).

Becoming curious made all the difference in my perspective and in our relationship. And, "That is so interesting, I wonder what is going on" has been the fastest way to switch my thinking and go from anger to wonder.

Once I could dive deeper into the root cause of the missing work, he and I could have a more productive discussion. It became "He and I against the problem" rather than "He is the problem".

I began to be able to help find solutions rather than stay stuck in the same spin cycle, having the same discussion (cue the Yelling and lecture) every few weeks.

So here are four ways telling yourself "That's So Interesting, I wonder what's going on" can transform your parenting too:

1. Helps you get curious: When you intentionally think to yourself, "That's so interesting, I wonder what's going on," you are opening the door to finding options about why your son is behaving in a certain way. Instead of jumping to conclusions, you can begin to get to the root of the problem which leads to solutions rather than more problems and disconnect.
2. Keeps you from reacting:  How many times have you reacted in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? This phrase acts as a pause button, giving you a moment to breathe and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
3. Challenges your assumptions:  We all tell ourselves stories about our children's behavior, which is why worry feels so productive but actually keeps us stuck. By getting curious, you can sift through these stories and separate fact from fiction. Maybe there's more to the situation than meets the eye.
4. Let go of the judgment:  When we approach our sons with curiosity, we can let go of some of the judgment. Without judging him as "bad" or "ridiculous" or "disobedient", we're better equipped to find real solutions. It's about understanding, not excusing, their behavior.

The Power of Belief:

Remember, your belief in your son's ability to change can make all the difference. When you approach him with curiosity and confidence, you're sending a powerful message: "I believe in you."

When I was able to get curious about my son's missing assignments, I realized that because I was so vigilantly monitoring his schoolwork, he didn't feel like he had to. After some discussion and time, he started taking responsibility for his schoolwork because he knew that I believed he could and that his academics belonged to him, not me.

Here are some practical tips for implementing curiosity in your parenting:

1. Practice the pause: Before reacting, take a deep breath and say, "That's so interesting."
2. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage your son to share more by asking questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."
3. Listen actively: Give your full attention when your son is speaking. Show him you're truly interested in what he has to say.
4. Reflect on your own thoughts: Take time to examine the stories you're telling yourself about your son's behavior.
5. Celebrate small wins: Notice and acknowledge the positive changes, no matter how small.

The Long-Term Impact:

By embracing curiosity in your parenting, you're not just solving immediate problems – you're building a stronger, more trusting relationship with your son. You're teaching him valuable skills like responsibility and open communication that will serve him well into adulthood.

Remember, the teenage years are a time of huge growth and change. By approaching this period with curiosity and compassion, you're setting the stage for your son to become the good man you know he can be.

Your Next Step:

Are you ready to transform your relationship with your teenage son? I invite you to try the "That's so interesting, I wonder what's going on" approach this week. Notice how it changes your thinking and opens up new possibilities for better connection.

Bonus:

This simple phrase is not only magic when it comes to your relationship with your son, it is also powerful in all your relationships. Give it a try and see firsthand what I am talking about.